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Worlds Smartest Inventions 9 transcript
narrator: Sit back and relax. commentator: Ah... narrator: We've got an offer on the 20 most amazinginventions ever.( commentator grunting )From things you never knewyou needed...woman: This new inventionis hot !narrator: ... to stuffyou can't live without.Plus, what is this guy selling ?And, why is he using itto do this ?Act right now and we'llthrow ina free celebrity cast.Todd: Finally !My crotch is the centerof attention !narrator: "truTV Presents:World's Smartest Inventions"and it all starts now.woman: Yes !Closed Captions Provided by truTVman: Tired of boring parties ?Fed up with the same oldparty drinks ?Introducing Suck & Blow,the interactive Jell-O shotthat takes two to do.One person sucks;the other blows.commentator: Yeah !man: Stop fumbling withthose cumbersome cups.Suck & Blow Jell-O shootersare the "funnest" way to doa party shot ever.The Greg: Finally !The fun way to getmouth ***.man: Whether you're at homeor out for a night on the town,this is the perfect wayto get the party started.commentator: Come on, do it.man: I don't know, my jaw hurts.I used to do that when we weredating, but I don't want to...man: Suck & Blow Jell-O shooterscome in six great flavors:orange, cherry, watermelon,green apple and wild berry.Billy: Wild berry is alwaysa flavor to be weary of.It's too generic.Jaime: I make ***Suck & Blows for the kids.Hey, kids, who wants tosuck and blow ?commentator: Yeah !Mike: This whole thingsucks and blows.man: So I know how you'vebeen saying we need to work onour relationship--woman: Does this meanyou're going to therapy ?man: Close.I got Suck & Blow shots.We do 'em together.man: Suck & Blow.Number one for Jell-O shot fun.narrator: Everyone usesthe bathroom, and there area number of great inventionsto help enhance that experience.You can practice yourgolf game...man: Yes.narrator: ... make wipinga whole lot easier...woman: Comfort Wipe,the sanitary paper extensionarm and holder.narrator: ... and even makethe world your toilet.man: Bumper Dumper.Now you can go when you'reon the go.narrator: But when it comes tosheer efficiency and comfort,nothing beats the inventionat number 19.man: The following is a paidannouncement for Squatty Potty:The stool that helps you poopthe way nature intended you to.man: You wanna know the truthabout your toilet.It's not helping you dowhat you go there to do.What you go there to dois number two.Cavemen, aborigines,American Indians-- they allsquatted.Billy: If only I could livemore like a caveman,an aborigine oran American Indian.Those people have reallygot it all.man: In 1978, President Cartercame down with a nasty caseof hemorrhoids.He said, "It hurts to go.Me, me-- me 'hurty.'"Jared: Jimmy Cartergenerally didn't speak likea toddler that had hadsome sort of recent concussion.man: When a proctologist wasasked what caused his nastyhemorrhoids, he said,"We weren't meant to sit on"the toilet; we were meant tosquat in the field."Mike T.: You know what reallycaused Carter's hemorrhoids ?A guy by the name ofRonald Regan.man: The Squatty Potty'ssimple but unique designallows you to continue to useyour convenient sitting toiletwhile enjoying the healthbenefits of the squattingtoilet.man: This is great because itbrings all the fun of ( bleep )in the woods into your house.( man chuckling )man: Ever feel like maybeyou didn't quite get it all ?The reason is simple.The *** canal is kinkedwhen in a seated position.But when you squat,the canal straighten outs,making doing your businessa lot easier and cleaner.Loni: Who wants to do yogaand crap at the same time ?woman: Whoa !That is coming right out.Whoo !God, this is comfoable.man: Doctors say that sittingin the squatting positioncan help increase the sizeof your bowel movement.commentator: Aww...Jared: Okay, who left this onmy doorstep ?man: After you're done,simply place your feeton the floor and slidethe stool under the toilet.Squatty Potty makes doingyour business easier, cleanerand healthier.man: So get your Squatty Pottytoday.Chris: Just stack some books.That's what I'm gonna do.Stole your invention.Sue me.man: Your pet has always beenan important part ofyour family.You've built so many lastingmemories together.But our special friendspass on too soon,and when they leave,it feels like a part ofthe family is gone.Billy: Except the ones whocan't stop barkingand eating thingsand throwing up.They don't pass on soon enough.man: Now there's a trulyspecial way to honor the memoryof your cherished dog or catwith the newLasting Memory Paw.Chris: It's a plastickitty paw tombstone.Jared: Death is a part of life,and now you can teach yourchildren to be eerilyobsessed with it.man: This beautiful,personalized memorial containsa weather-resistantphoto holder that displaysany picture of your cherisheddog or cat-- indoorsor outdoors.Mike T.: Before I was sad,but this fixes it, I guess.man: Each Lasting Memory Pawis specially inscribed withthis touching poem:Jared: Why are the tearssecret ?man: Yeah, they know nowbecause they got a big( bleep ) claw that says it.man: Place it at the front doorto remember your loyal friendevery time you come home.Todd: My favorite part ofthe day is spending fiveseconds thinking aboutmy dead dog, right beforeI come through the door.That's "me" time.man: There's no better giftfor someone who has losther best friend--a gesture she will cherishfor years to come.woman: ( crying )This is so ugly.man: It even comes witha hook that lets you proudlyhang your beautififinscribed memorial on any wall.Mike T.: I knew we were keepingthis wall totally barefor something.man: The Lasting Memory Pawwill last a lifetime.woman: Unlike your pet.man: Call now to orderyour own Lasting Memory Pawfor just 19.99.Brad: Oh, look, we evengot one for Leif.Oh, Leif Garrett, gone too soon.Leif: How many times do I haveto tell you guysI'm not dead ?narrator: Coming up...woman: Wow, that's cold !narrator: Heat for your seat.Plus, a facial treatmentso good, it's scary.And later, how could thisshopping bag save your life ?Find out, when "World'sSmartest Inventions" continues.woman: It's the call of naturethat wakes you up.But the real eye-opener ?That happens the momentyou sit down.commentator: Wow, that's cold.woman: Introducingthe Toastie ***.Never sit on a coldtoilet seat again.The Toastie *** is aninnovative toilet-seat warmerthat works with your existinground or elongatedtoilet seat.Chris: No.This is a white-trashheating pad for your ***.woman: This water-repellentcover encapsulatesa heating element that transferswarmth to the seat whenthe lid is down.Jared: And Toastie ***is great for making paninis.woman: The Toastie ***is easy to install,easy to clean and luxuriousto own.woman: What I respectand admire is how subtlethis lady's acting is.( commentator laughing )Chelsea: She's a naturaland she doesn't have topush it at all.woman: It features threeadjustable heat settings.And it's UL-listed safe.Brad: It worries me that wehave safety regulationsfor heated toilet seats.Mike T.: Oh, this is great.I can plug it right intothe outlet behind my toilet.Y'know, the one thateveryone has.woman: Other heated toilet seatscost between 90 and $900.Billy: Look, I don't carewhat it costs.I need a heated toilet seat.woman: But the Toastie ***is only 39.95.The Toastie ***.You'll never want to "go"without it.Mike B.: You know what I sayto Toastie *** ?I say, just go sit your*** down.woman: Order now.( toilet flushing )woman: Embarrassed byunsightly pores ?Tired of wasting money onexpensive spa treatments ?Now you can enjoy the fullspa experience right inthe comfort of your own home.Introducing theAluminum Facial Spa.Mike T.: Well, isn't thisa nightmare-come-to-life.Billy: I'd like somefava beans.( slurping )woman: It's simple.Just slip the mask over yourface and fastenthe Velcro strap.In just minutes, you'll feelinvigorated as soothing heatpenetrates your pores,just like a steam facial.Brad: It helps rejuvenateyour skin by re-creatingthe sensation of beingburied alive.woman: Made from a patentedaluminum and polyethylene foam,the Aluminum Facial Spais designed to release toxinsand cleanse the poreswhile moisturizing the skin.The Greg: Nothing moisturizeslike aluminum.You'll feel "recycle-ably"fresh.woman: Use theAluminum Facial Spa whileon the computer, readinga book or doing nothing at all.woman: Honey, can you cancelmy facial ?commentator: I don't know.Can I ?You will die !Just kidding, I'll call.woman: Some spa treatmentscan cost hundreds,even thousands of dollarsa year, but order nowand the Aluminum Facial Spacan be yours for just 29.99.Order your Aluminum Facial Spatoday.Mike T.: Does it come witha "safe" word ?man: Natural disasters canoccur anywhere, at any time.But Japanese scientistshave found a wayto protect your head.Grappa.Grappa is a reusableeco-friendly shopping bagwhich also doublesas a helmet in case ofnatural disasteror earthquake.Mike T.: I love shoppingand I love living, so this isperfect.man: To use, place the bagover the headand close the snap.Jaime: At least when you lookstupid, you'll already havea bag over your head.man: Grappa offers a degree ofprotection during emergencysituations.commentator: It'll keep yourhead safe-- See ?Jared: Grappa is great forrockslides, meteor showers,Godzilla attacks and othereveryday occurrences.Brendon: You know what mightwork better than yourbag helmet ?Just get under that table therethat you have all the baghelmets on.man: Grappa is the size ofa small umbrella when foldedso it can be carriedin a bag.woman: Oh, my God, it'sa natural disaster.Let me get this water, food,flashlights out of this bagand put...man: The Grappa retails for1,280 yen for the drawstringbag and 980 yen for the tote.Kevin: That's a great deal !Maybe.I have no idea whata yen is.man: Everyone should carrythe Grappa.It will protect youand your children.Brad: Hey, kids, don't forgetyour "happy fun time deathemergency shopping bag" mask.Loni: I can use this to protectmy weave when it rains.man: Get Grappa today.man: Our Two Handed Great Swordis the biggest sword we make.But don't let its size fool you,as there's nothing awkwardor clumsy about thisawesome sword.man: The sword world continuesto overlook the efficiencyand power and majestyof this Great Sword.It was built by Cold Steel.It'll hold its own cuttingof any sword in the world.woman: I knight theea loser.Brendon: Why invest all thatmoney in the castle setwhen you're just gonna dressbusiness casual forthe presentation ?man: ( bleep ) balloondidn't have a chance.( commentator grunting )woman: Herb, can't we haveone normal barbecue ?Todd: I need this.My two biggest hobbies areamateur butcheringand ruining birthday parties.man: Look how thick thatcomb is on that bamboo.Even thicker here.It's no match forthe Great Sword, though.Loni: We need our garbage can.Mike B.: Y'know, I'm not gonnabuy one of thesebut if I'm ever attacked byblocks of ice or bucketswith blue liquid in it,I'm gonna wish I would've.commentator: ( grunting )Mm-hmm.Mike T.: Man, I gotta tell you,lately, cutting pig facesin half has been a chore.Jaime: Uh, hi.Sorry to interrupt.Have you seen my pet pig ?He's always running off.Never mind.I'll... go.( pig squealing )Jared: Order now and get ourentire book of pig's headrecipes:pig's head stew,pig's head cider,pig's head sandwiches.You'll make a dozenpig's head delights.man: Put one of these byyour front door and you'regonna be a power to reckon with.No one is gonna be able totake advantage of youwhen you have a Great Swordin your house.John: Do you know how long ittakes to swinga six-pound sword ?man: What more can I do toconvince you to buya Great Sword ?Leif: I want one.It's the Viking in me.man: Buy Cold Steel'sGreat Sword.I promise you, you'll neverregret it,you'll praise my name.You're gonna love this sword.Mike T.: Hey, check me out.I'm like "Game Of Thrones."Except not the dwarf.woman: I like the dwarf.Kevin: Oh, nuts, he's gotthe Two Handed Sword.I'm gonna look stupidwith this piece of crap.narrator: Coming up:A pump to clean your rump.man: Wipe Aide,the new toilet paper moistener.narrator: And...a new way to hold your calls.commentator: Oh, my baby.narrator: Plus...everybody's got one.Find out what it iswhen "World's SmartestInventions" continues.man: Everyone wants to beclean and fresh.Introducing Wipe Aide,the new toilet paper moistener.Simply push down on theaerated top and Wipe Aideevenly dispensesa mild cleansing solutiononto your toilet paper.The Greg: 'Cause nothingholds together likewet toilet paper.man: Wipe Aide makes yourtoilet paper more effectiveand you'll enjoy a moresoothing, cleansing experience.Ted: It's not just waterin a bottle.It's an entire ***-wettinglifestyle system.man: Wipe Aide is so easy touse, you just flip up the topand then push down with yournormal amount of bath tissue.It's so convenientthat it can be placedjust about anywhere.Jamie: You might as well justhave a sign above the toiletthat says, "We have no shame."man: And since Wipe Aide workswith your toilet paper,of course it's flushable.Stop !Don't flush wet wipesdown the toilet.Wet wipes can clog your toiletand lead to costlyplumbing repairs.Mike T.: That guy sucks atusing a plunger.I didn't even know that wassomething you could be bad atbut here we are.man: To get started,just unscrew the top.Fill with one-half literof distilled or purifiedwater-- be sure not to usetap water.Judy: Wait, so I can drinkthe tap water but I can'tput it on my ***.man: Add just one pump ofliquid hand soap, screwthe top back on,and Wipe Aide is ready to go.The Greg: Or you could justadd some water toa nearly empty soap dispenserand that would probably makea lot more sense.man: We love our Wipe Aide.woman: It works great.Chelsea: We love to wipe,almost as much as holdour arms at our sides,woodenly.man: Keep yourselfand the environment cleanand fresh.Buy Wipe Aide today.You'll love it.Mike T.: ( laughing )This picnic is so muchbetter now that you've cleanedyour *** correctly.Gary: I think Wipe Aide isokay but it's nothing to becelebrating or worshipping.Let nature take its courseand you'll be clean.Just let it happen.man: Order your Wipe Aidetoday.woman: From Japaneselaboratories comes a new devicethat promises to revolutionizehow we communicate.commentator: Ah, I love whenyou talk to me so much.Yeah.woman: It's called the Hugvie.Simply insert your mobile phoneinto the pocketand the Hugvie will translatethe emotions of the caller'svoice into physical form.commentator: Hello.I'm here.Todd: I used to hate talkingon the phone, but thanks tothis old beanbag ghostover here, I'm a regularchatterbox.woman: The Hugvie containstwo vibrators to replicatehuman heartbeat.commentator: Oh, my baby.Kevin: I thought one ofthe positive things aboutvibrators was that youdidn't have to worry abouttheir emotions.woman: The speed andintensity of the Hugvie'sheartbeat changes,depending on the volumeand mood of the caller.Chelsea: I'm too rhythmicfor that-- I'd start dancing.woman: Use Hugvie at homewhen relaxing...commentator: Ahh...woman: ... or at work formaximum stress relief.Ted: Uh-huh.Well, if this is an attemptto collect a debt, why areyou sexually throbbing ?man: It's not only for familiesand lovers, it's alsofor seniors.Danny: I don't want a vibratorto have anything to do witha phone call to my dad.man: We could build inlots of vibratorsand special sensors so thatwhen you hug it, the otherperson's robot moves as well.Mike T.: You guys seethe baby ghosts too, right ?Oh, you do ?Thank God.Oh, man, I almost hada total freak out.John: Yes, I missed you.Tonya: Hey, why does this thingsound so muffled ?John: Oh, sorry.Tonya: Perv.man: In today's modern world,you never know who's watching.commentator: Mm-hmm.man: Peeping Toms can easilytransform your front doorinto a peeper's paradise.commentator: And...Ahh...Oh, yeah.man: Now you can blockwould-be peepers withthe peeperSTOPPER.commentator: Hey.man: The latest in privacyprotection.Brendon: I have a question.Where can I get one of thosereverse-peephole things ?I want a peeper starter.Jared: I showed this to myseven-year-old and she agrees,it is the worst cartoon ever.man: With the simple pushof a button, the peeperSTOPPERprevents anyone from reversingyour peephole.Ted: I thought this wasthe point of the originalpeepholes.man: The peeperSTOPPERis a must for hotels,apartments and dorm rooms.Brad: Who wants apeeperSTOPPER ?When I check into a hotel,I take the door offthe hinges and put upa turnstile.man: peeperSTOPPER installsin minutes.Simply screw the backing plateover the peepholeand press the peeperSTOPPERinto place.Judy: Wait, so all I needare, like, two screws,then I'll drill them intothe door and then I attachthis ?That's so convenient.man: Don't be a victim.commentator: Oh, God.man: Order your peeperSTOPPERtoday for just 16.99.Kevin: You know what elseworks for this ?A piece of tape.John: How about some gum ?Leif: Just a little piece ofKleenex stuck in there.Judy: A Post-it note.Chelsea: I'll use toilet paper,duct tape, masking tape.Just paper.Pretty much anythingthat's all free.woman: Nothing is moreattractive than a healthygolden tan and a brilliantwhite smile.And now you can get bothat the same timewith Twilight Teeth.The originalwhiten-while-you-tan-teethwhitening system.Marianne: I like to bruisemy lips openand really get thatglow-in-the-dark fresh look.woman: Twilight Teeth usesthe heat and UV light ofyour tanning sessionto acceleratethe whitening process.Chris: We all know nothing'smore attractive thana white smile.Now, nothing's less attractivethan acquiring it.woman: For whitening resultsyou'll notice after justone session, Twilight Teethis safe and easy to use.Todd: Your teeth look great.Did they get a tan ?woman: It includes aone-size-fits-all mouthpieceand our exclusiveno-rinse formulaplatinum 25 whitening gel.Jaime: And the mouthpieceis one size tortures all.woman: No time to tan ?No problem.Your order even includesthis safe and effectiveTwi-light at no extra charge,for fast whitening at home.woman: I'm sorry, I haveno time to tan.I've got to read a magazineand watch some TV.woman: Save time, save moneyand try tanning againwith Twilight Teeth.Chelsea: Save time,save money, save everyonefrom ever wanting to date you.narrator: Coming up:No hands, no problem.man: The body cooler that willhave you saying,"So what it's hot."narrator: And...a shocking solution toexcess body hair.When "World's SmartestInventions" continues.woman: Weather got yourtemperature rising ?Wish you had an easy way tostay cool and hydrated ?Do you ever say,"Man, it's hot" ?man: Introducing SWIH,the all-purpose personalwater-bottle holderand body cooler that willhave you saying,"So what it's hot."SWIH is available inthree sizes, allowing you tochoose how you wish to wearthe SWIH--as a neck wrap, headband,or sweatband.Mike T.: Or just carry itin your hand and drink itgradually.That might cool you off too.man: If you choose to wearyour SWIH as a neck wrap,place the half-liter bottlein the bottle holder.Position the bottleat the back of your neckand fasten the Velcro closureat the front of your neck.Chris: Wow, I didn't know thatalien cyborgs could makeearthly inventions.man: Be sure that the SWIHis well securedwith the bottle snugat the back of the neck.With the band fixed tothe proper tension, you shouldbe able to fit one to twofingers under the neck band.woman: I like autoeroticasphyxiation as much asthe next guy, but afterwards,I'm thirsty.man: Refrigerate or evenfreeze your bottle aheadof time and the SWIHbecomes a convenientbody cooler.woman: The SWIH is made froman eco-friendly bamboo fabricthat's both hypoallergenic--Mike T.: Really, commercial ?You're gonna bring outthe Asian girl to tell meabout bamboo ?So what it's racist.man: Whether you're working upa sweat or just workingin the yard, the SWIHoffers a convenienthands-free way to keep cooland refreshed.So when everyone else issweating, you'll beable to say...all: So what it's hot.man: Order your SWIH today.Brad: Hold on, I want a sipof water.Just...just one-- Ow, ow !Hold on, no !I just-- I'm taking a waterbreak !It's efficient !woman: Decorating your homebuilds Christmas excitementfor your whole family.But putting up decorationstakes so much time.It's sometimes dangerousand can send your electric billthrough the roof.Jared: Putting up Christmasdecorations is a living hellthat will slaughter your family.woman: IntroducingDoor Delights.Decorations like never before.They're the ultimate magneticholiday decor.Chelsea: And somehow youend up withthe saddest garage ever.woman: Magnets are easyand quick.There are no tools,no expensive electricity,no scary heights.Brad: Now you can makethe outside of your houselook just as tackyas the inside.woman: It's easy enoughfor young kids to help.A family delight.Jamie.: We did it !We put magnets ona magnetic surface.woman: Door Delights will makeyou feel proud.Your garage door willdraw a crowd.Your family will lovecoming home to it every day.Neighbors will be in aweof your garage decor.Michael: I would changethose letters every night.If my neighbors did that,I'd be like, "Welcome home.I'm gonna kill you."woman: Door Delights are notavailable in stores.This offer may never berepeated, so order now.man: First we were slavesto shaving, then we weremartyrs to painful hot wax,then came electrolysis--both painful and expensive.But now there's the ePenby Elysee Electro--the amazing new hair-removalpen proven to painlesslyand permanently eraseunwanted hair, once and for all.Guaranteed.Todd: Pretty soon, women willbarely be gross at all.man: ePen sends a gentlecurrent of energy down tothe root of the hairthat painlesslyand permanently removesthe whole hair, includingits cell, so hair can never evergrow back again.Mike T.: Life sure is good forme, being a hair on a richlady's upper lip.Oh, no !man: Imagine never having towax or shave again.Brendon: Yeah, get your legsall smooth so middle-ageddudes can rub all over them.man: We shaved under one armand used ePen on the other,and, look, three months later,the hair is still gone.Amazing.Jaime: How much do theyhave to pay you to not shavean armpit for three months ?man: We tested ePen againstthe competition and, look,it's more effective thanany of these productson the market.man: I hate having hairon my back, but since I've usedePen over six months ago,the hair is still gone.Mike B.: How in the hell do youuse the ePen on your back ?You need an eFriend.man: No more pain,no more hair growing back.Chelsea: I knew I had seenthis product before.It was in Brendon Walsh'sbathroom.He said he uses it on hisbikini area.Daisy: You know who reallylikes ePen ?The dude from Great Sword.He used it to de-hair his pig.man: Not available in stores.To erase unwanted hair forever,order the ePen today.Mike T.: You know how you haveall that hair on your faceand I say I don't notice ?Well, I'm a liar.Boom, ePen.Jamie: That's funny.I got one for your backand *** and toe knuckles.girl: My neck hurts.woman: So summer has started.Dreading wearing your favoritesummer wardrobe-- the painfrom the knot at the back ofyour neck.One of our top inventorsstruggled with this,and, to our amazement,she came up with...the Knot You.This machine-safe,reusable, reversibleKnot You will relieve youfrom knot pain all summer long.Chelsea: This is just glamour.Glamour, glamour, glamour.Glamour up the *** !Judy: Garment must be worntight to get maximum relieffrom knot.Yeah, that's why the knot hurts'cause the garment is tight.Daisy: The Knot You is perfectfor hanging out at the beachor just running downa deserted alleyway.woman: So play your favoritesport...play all day, party all night,pain free.Mike T.: What was that,a "last seen" photoin the middle of that ?woman: So play yourfavorite sport.Play all day, party all night,pain free.Accessorize your summerwardrobe.A woman's must-have.Brendon: I have a solution,ladies.Don't wear tops at all.woman: You're not going towant to leave home without one.woman: Who's got knot pain ?women: Knot You !Todd: Bikinis also make myswim trunks fit funny.Got anything for that ?women: Knot You !narrator: Coming up:A claw for your balls ?woman: Tired of loose ballson the floor ?Well, not anymore.narrator: And, a solutionto your drinking problem.woman: Are you kidding me ?narrator: Plus, you won'tbelieve what this cheekyinvention can do...when "World's SmartestInventions" continues.David: Hi, my name isDavid Kowlessar,and I'm the inventor ofthis nifty new product calledthe Sip & Dip Cookie Dipper.No more sticky fingers,no more soggy cookie.With the Sip & Dip Cookie Dipperit's simply fun.Kevin: Finally, now we'reto a point where our inventorsare inventing problemsto invent inventions for.David: After watching mythree-year-old niecetry and have milk and cookie,it was a daunting task.Soggy cookies at the bottomof the milk and the milkis everywhere.Billy: The nightmare scenariohere, the milk spilling,that may be a littleoverstated.Brad: You don't put yourwhole hand in a glass.You go two fingers firstand then ease in.David: Simply take yourfavorite cookie, place itin the cookie basket--Jared: My favorite cookie ?Okay, well, I happen to enjoythese black-and-white cookies,so I'll just...David: Take your Cookie Dipperand submerge it intoa cold glass of milk.You can sip your milkwhile your cookiesare getting dunked.After six seconds, simplyremove the Cookie Dipper--Chelsea: Ah, sir,could you have a weirder vibe ?David: ... and take yourfavorite cookie...and enjoy.It's a perfectly dunk cookies.No more sticky finger,no more soggy cookies.Mike T.: First of all,you're still using your fingers.Second of all,the soggy cookie is the wholepoint of milk and cookies.And third, someone get mea ( bleep ) cookie !It's all I can think about.Thank you.Jeez...Sam: Hi, I'm Sam.I wanna introduce you toHand Shield.Amazing skin protection.man: Hand Shield isa revolutionary new wayto protect your handswithout gloves.Sam: Now all you need isjust a little bit ofHand Shield on your hands,which continues to protectand shield for four to sixhours, even with repeatedwashing.Chelsea: I just love thatthis guy is standing inan incredibly echo-y room,wearing a fluorescent vest.That alone, I'm sold.Sam: Now I'm going to actuallyshow you the amazing protectivecharacteristics of Hand Shield.I'm now about to put thishydrochloric acidonto aluminum foil.Brendon: Oh, it eats rightthrough "alum-in-ium" ?Sam: And now I'm gonna puthydrochloric acidonto my skin.You can see it fuming.As it burns throughthe aluminum foil,the hydrochloric acidis still in my handsand I feel absolutelyno burning sensation.Jared: Hand Shield is greatfor people who have toregularly handlehazardous chemicals,but refuse to buy gloves.Sam: You wanna see somethingamazing ?I've been doing thisdemonstration while I've beenstanding in hydrochloric acid.Come down and see.Todd: I've been in acidthis whole time.And on it, too.Sam: Now I'm gonna step outof this tank,onto this concrete block,and, as you can see,it's bubbling away.And I felt no burning sensation.John: How does it workon gonorrhea and syphilis ?'Cause I could save a fortunein condoms.Sam: And there it is.The skin's still intact.Loni: Mm-mm.No, I'm gonna still use gloves.Sam: Hand Shield.An amazing product.man: The following isa paid advertisement.Chrisdine: Hello,and welcome to Home Organizer.I'm your host,Chrisdine King.Today, we have some excitingnew inventions guaranteedto keep your homeclutter free.all: Yeah !Chrisdine: Our first productlooks like a simplerubber square, but as you'reabout to see, it's so muchmore than that.man: Is a cluttered deskstressing you out ?Relax.You can now organize your deskand your life.Introducing Facemate,the "must-have" accessory foryour flat-screen monitor.Todd: Who are you quotingexactly ?man: The Impex Internationalaward-winning productthat keeps your important itemsin your sight on your mindand your desk free of clutter.Facemate hugs your monitor'sframe like a skin.Easy to put on,easy to use.Facemate is a sleek way tokeep your monitor cleanand makes falling sticky notesa thing of the past.Ted: This is nothing more thana simple computer bra.woman: I love the fact that whenI put business cards,sticky notes, picturesin the Facemate, they stay put.Brad: Oh, wait, those arealready in my computer,'cause it's a computerand it's not 1982.man: You've got nothing to losebut the clutter.Order your Facemate today.Chrisdine: If you're like me,you're always looking for waysto keep your bedroom neatand tidy.I know, seemsimpossible, right ?Well, not if you've gotone of these.man: Do you suffer fromsock stress disorder ?Marianne: I just can't focustoday.I'm so stressed out aboutmy socks !Ahh !boy: Sockitumi.man: Sort and grabsport socks, dress socksand other items instantlywith this unique organizer.boy: Sockitumi.Chris: If only there wassome sort of a vending machinethat could give me my socksso I don't have to opena drawer.man: The time-saver,space-saver stress buster.group: Sockitumi !Todd: Stop yelling at me.Sock it to yourself.Chrisdine: Finally, if you'vegot kids, you probably havemore sports equipmentthan you know what to do with.Well, this little contraptionis just what you need to helpkeep their gear fromgoing out of bounds.man: Do you usually toss thosesports balls anywhere inthe garage, only to end upsearching for them later on ?Now you can give thema home of their ownwith the revolutionaryBall Claw.Daisy: You know what, I thoughtthis was gonna be scarier.It's just a clawthat holds balls.man: Ball Claw is a convenientstorage system that keepsall your sports ballsoff the floor.Organize and easy to find.Jaime: For those of youwho are reallyballs to the wall.man: Ball Claw installsquickly and easily to almostany flat surface.Its unique three-prong designhugs the ball tightlyso it won't slip out.Ball Claw, a trulyone-of-a-kind gift for thesports fan that has everything.Brad: I'm sure if you askthe sports fan who haseverything, he'd still justwant Super Bowl tickets,not this.man: It keeps all yoursports balls off the floorwith the revolutionaryBall Claw.Chrisdine: Well, that's allthe time we have for today.We'll see you next time.Until then, organize,simplify and have a great life.Goodnight.man: Has this ever happento you ?You leave your drink inthe refrigerator,and once you're gone,your roommates help themselvesto it ?Brendon: Do you have a problemwith crappy improv troupestrying to steal your beverages ?Ted: The Beverage Lot Playersdid not give me a partin the troupe this year.But I think if I work on mysideways shimmyand my exaggerated eye rollsI will make it in.woman: Oh, my gosh.Are you kidding me ?man: IntroducingBeverage Lock, the safeand secure way to make sureyour drink doesn't mysteriouslydisappear.Leif: I got an ideafor a beverage lock--Touch my ( bleep ) again,I'll freaking kill you.woman: Yes !man: The Beverage Lockfits over the top ofany can or bottleand only opens if youhave the key.Jared: This is my car,my house...and this is a Diet Dr. Pepper.man: Huh ?man: God, if we only hada knife to open this...or a dollar to buy another one.Chris: Here's a solution:Don't live with people thatare jerks.Kevin: Who the hell sat aroundand thought of this idea ?And secondly, more importantly,who's the idiot thatencouraged them ?man: Never be the victim ofrefreshment theft again.Get your beverage lock today.Danny: You think a Beverage Lockis gonna stop me fromdrinking somebodyelse's stuff ?( burping )Awesome.narrator: You've just beenwowed by 19 of the world'smost genius creations...commentator: Oh, my baby.narrator: ... but the mostbrilliant brainchildis still to come.Find out what it is...when "World's SmartestInventions" continues.narrator: Japan is knownfor its rich history,unique cuisine,and advances in technology.It's also home to some veryinteresting inventionsdesigned to relieveyour stress...woman: Electronic earsmanipulated by your mind.narrator: ... help youlook younger...woman: Face Slimmer willvanish saggy-face skin.narrator: ... and avoidembarrassment.woman: Simply press the buttontwice and the echo tunnelre-creates the sound offlushing water.narrator: Which brings usto the number-one momenton our countdown.announcer: The world of roboticsis forever changed.Introducing Shiri,the first buttocks humanoid.Mike T.: There's nogoing back now, science.announcer: Shiri is capable of expressingvarious emotionswith organic movement.Billy: I think these arethe most lifelike buttocksemotions I've ever seen.Brad: Does it also comewith a free AMBER Alertin your area ?announcer: Emotions such astension, twitch,and protrusion wereadded to Shiri.Jared: It shivers and makesa loud clicking sound.Y'know, like a human butt would.announcer: Shiri is able to recognizevarious emotions by thetension, twitch andprotrusion type patterns.Judy: Oh, my God.I do that with my ***, too.announcer: The project has two mainpoints.First.Shiri is a major advancement...in replicating the entire human body.Secondly,it explores the emotional reaction...between man and robot.Billy: That's yoursecond main point ?You got a grant for that ?Jared: People are going tohave sex with it.Just be ready for that.announcer: Notice Shiri's reactionsupon first contact.( commentator grunting )Mike T.: Notice what ?It's just sitting there.What's the *** suppose to dowhen you slap it,say, "Thank you" ?Kevin: I got scared.That's my emotion.announcer: The user may notice Shiribracing after feeling a slap.Danny: I feel like he shouldbe slapping his *** in private.announcer: Shiri, the expressionof the humanoid robot.Leif: I'll take seven.man: Get your Squatty Pottytoday.man: Sockitumi !man: IntroducingWipe Aide.woman: It's calledthe Hugvie.man: Honor the memoryof your cherished dog or catwith the newLasting Memory Paw.man: Ball Claw,a truly one-of-a-kindgift for the sports fanthat has everything.man: Now there's the ePenby Elysee Electro.all: So what it's hot.man: Suck & Blow Jell-Oshooters come in six greatflavors.man: IntroducingBeverage Lock.